She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Randomize
