i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
