Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
