i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
