I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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