He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize