Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
