North Korea, Best Korea!
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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