our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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