I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
