you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Randomize