I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
