I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
