are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
the condom got lost in my hair
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
