OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
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