spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
