I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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