O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
