your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
