i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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