Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I just saw a hot homeless man
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
