I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
