I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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