Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
