I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
