He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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