So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize
