I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Randomize
