you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
