Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
