Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
