end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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