idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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