i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Semen is not good for contacts.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
