She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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