Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
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I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
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Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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