Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
