i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
