And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
