We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
