I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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