it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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