you win again, gameday.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
