last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Did I show you my penis last night?
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
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