i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
