i permit you to call me
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
