About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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