U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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