I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
