Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
