yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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