The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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