You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
ugly people sure do ruin things
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
