i don't plan on having that self control this summer
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
