i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
