his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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