Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
