my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
