Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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