does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
did i walk over a car last night?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
