"it" just moved
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize