Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
