I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
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I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
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He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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