Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Randomize
