i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
