I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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